This has been a long road with repetition of pain. My father for one moment would be my best friend and shower me with praise, and then the next moment would suppress all “love” and be really nasty and abusive. Growing up with this as a child, I would feel that I can’t let my father down, I need to be nicer, I have to be careful what I say because I may be upset (maybe I am being unkind). It was a viscous cycle where my identity slowly was drowned so as to live to be who my father wanted me to be. Unfortunately, it wasn’t ever good enough, and if I was successful, I was belittled because he needed to feel superior. So even trying to please him wouldn’t please him. How worthless I felt and didn’t realize I was feeling these things – it was just normal. Most recently I have been just keeping him at a distance but being in his orbit, communicating rarely, mostly text on Sundays, and just talking about my kids. However, over summer he came for a visit (this was after 5+ years of not visiting). My wife and I planned the weekend down to the minute such that he would have all his needs met – again to avoid his nonsense. We wanted to have a nice visit for the kids, and it may be the last visit as he is aging. It was exhausting, and there was never a genuine feeling that he wanted to see us and see how we are doing. Fast forward a couple months, and he is sending apocalyptic texts that are all fear based. I asked him not to send these to me and hope he is doing well. Fast forward a week and half, and boom – more texts. And now they are signed your father instead of love dad. They are nasty. So, not only did he not respect my feelings, but he was being abusive because I was not connecting to his world – I was being independent. So, now I am being tested. What do I do? Do I respond the text with a stern message saying if you send more, they go to spam, or do I ignore it, or do I call him, or , or , or , or , or , or. Well, guess what, as I reflect on this and try to determine what the best option is, I realize two things: 1. There is no good option without him losing control, unless I give in to the abuse, and 2. Why do I need to change the way I live, think, talk, respond so as to avoid him from being upset. I am tired of walking on eggshells. My feelings are valid, important, and my mental health is paramount. So, I am going to give him a final warning – stop sending these texts or it goes to spam folder. Then I move on and live my life. It is not my BS to solve. I am really tired of it.
