Hi, I’m the Platinum Butterfly. I am a happy, empathetic, loving, and kind person. I want to share my experiences of human and spiritual growth. Maybe you can relate and find my experiences useful / helpful. If you want to learn more of my background, then keep reading below.
May you love yourself as you are.
May you accept yourself as you are.
May you live with ease with who you are.
I’m a survivor
The reason I state I am a survivor is that I dealt with a lot of pain and abuse during my childhood, and I have healed from this trauma. I am going to share some of the gory details, so be prepared! My parents separated when I was 5. During their separation, my mother moved me (along with my two sisters) to a rental house (this was 1st grade). My father tried to break in by taking a firewood log to the door and screaming while being fully enraged . I called the police, so that stopped it. My mother manipulated me to write a letter to the divorce judge sharing I was upset with my father. Eventually my mother received custody of the 3 of us with weekend visitation with my father. My mother then moved us back to our original house, but this time into the basement (and rented out the rest of the house). This was my 3rd and 4th grade. My mother then moved us to another house (this was now my 5th grade), then another house (this was 6th grade), and then an apartment (this was 7th grade), oh and all new schools along the way. When living with my mother, she was very neglectful – she wasn’t around much, left us at home alone often, we had food scarcity, not enough clothes or anything, and lived in poverty. During this time, my father re-married and had his own place with his wife. We would visit with him on weekends. He usually spouted off about my mother, but tried to provide us with clothes and food. I became overweight during this timeframe as well as my sisters. When I was in 3rd grade, my father would have weigh-ins. He would track our weight – any shame here?!? My father also had explosions/outbursts when he was frustrated or didn’t get his way. My father was physically and emotionally abusive to me, my sisters, my mother, and anyone my father had a relationship with. I have seen him hit my step-mother and my sisters. I have seen him spit and dump cigarette ashes on my mother. However, it was worse at my mother’s, and it was because I was always neglected (at least I thought so at this age). In 7th grade she locked me out of the apartment and left. I eventually broke a window to get back in. I did get injured, and I had to walk to the police station to get help (an ambulance brought me to a hospital). I didn’t have much clothes – I had to walk into a shoe store once with only socks – yea, I needed shoes. I also needed glasses but didn’t have any. One summer my mother brought us to a campground and then left quite a bit – she really wasn’t around. This was actually nice because I went out on my own fishing and hiking and eating at other families campsites. They had outdoor movies as well at the campground – they rotated two movies: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Charlotte’s web. I saw them both like a hundred times. I ended up moving in with my father and step-mother once I entered 8th grade. I didn’t see my sisters or mother until I was much older. I had clothes and food in the fridge at my father’s. However, I was given a restrictive diet – and had that diet from 8th grade to 12th grade. My step-mother was an alcoholic and got involved with opioids. My father and step-mother would fight often: scream at each other, throw and break things and hit each other. My step-mother died of a drug overdose when I was 16. I had to call the coroner. Then my father was my best good buddy until he met someone else. When I was away at school, he had enough of me and through all of my things out of the house and sent me nasty letter to come and get it all. I did make it off to college, which was the best experience of my life up to that moment. I was separated from all the abuse. This was the beginning of discovery of this beautiful universe. I was very lucky as I never was seriously hurt being a feral child, and I am a technical genius (and I am not saying this to brag at all). After college, I went on to graduate school (because I liked college – or escaped from craziness). I had a full scholarship and research assistantship (they paid me a living stipend) in graduate school. I ended up with a masters and doctorate and a good job. It wasn’t all bad during my childhood. There were fun things and close friends. My friends are my family. Also, my parents weren’t intentionally malevolent. They were doing the best they could – their best was just pretty awful. I could keep going with more details of my childhood, but you get the point. It is to share with you that many of us have had childhood trauma, and we have to learn how to survive, grow, and blossom. Today I have a happy life filled with loving wife, children and friends. I still have my own struggles (like my mother passing away last year) as I am still learning, growing, evolving. If you keep reading my blog I will share my thoughts and experiences and growth. Maybe it will be helpful to you?
I’ll conclude this with one of my favorite quotes:
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon